I Wanna Be President, So Trust Me

Ok, imagine you are a guy from Hope, Arkansas, and you have decided you want to be President. Imagine, too, you're doing pretty well, that people think you're folksy and kind. They think that even though you are a right-winger, you're not all judgmental. You just like God. And you hate sins but not sinners.

So far so good, right.

But there's this other dude, from a weird religion, and he is likely to kick your ass. So what do you do? You're doing so well with positive messages, like "I'm a Republican, but I'm not mad at anybody." Still, playing nice is threatening to make you an also-ran. You do not want to go back to Arkansas, not when there's all that marble and limestone to check out in DC.

So you bite the bullet and spend some dough on an attack ad. A "Romney's Health Plan: $50 for an abortion" kind of thing. That ought to scare the shit out of the voters.

But will you run that ad? No. Why? Because maybe it will piss off the voters. Did you think of this before you spent the money on the production? Of course. Now you have the ad, and the only thing you have to do is get it shown without making people mad.

How? As Pooh said, "Think think think."

Ah, who are you kidding? You knew all along.

You go on the news and you tell people you almost went negative. But then you decided that sort of thing has to stop with you. So you tell everyone you're not going to run the ad. Now they can't be mad at you for being negative. But you also give the ad you're not going to run to the news people. So they run it. Yay! They run it, and they run it for free! Woooooooo!

You know you're smart enough to be President now. You're saving money, getting the word out, and looking like a good guy, too. Who could see through that?

Maybe Mitt's new campaign slogan should be "Fuckabee Huckabee." Well, if it weren't so negative.

Buy me a car, daddy

Cadillac has a new commercial in which a hot chick drives her new Escalade, enumerating all the expensive yet shitty gifts her husband has bought her over the years. The upshot is, she likes her new SUV.

Now, from what I can tell, this chick is A++ primo pussy. She's obviously sold her booty for whatever booty she can collect from the guy who pays her rent. And I know there's no getting rid of the whole pussy for payment concept here in the US (and maybe anywhere).

But damn, does it make me want to buy a Cadillac for anyone? Nope, I don't think so. Of course, I no longer have a succubus attached to me to tell me that I do want to buy her a Cad. So I'm lucky.

I bet the ad works, however.

You poor sons of bitches.

Today's racism scandal

Ok, so. Lots of eople defended Michael Vick's dog fighting by saying it was cultural and it was the way he was raised.

Well, fine.

Shouldn't that apply to Dog the Bounty Hunter?

Of course, both are assholes. But still.

And another thing.

Disagreeing with the current administration doesn't make someone a traitor.

Well, maybe. I mean, maybe everyone who hated Bill Clinton (by way of example) was a traitor eight years ago.

Maybe those people hated freedom back then. Stupid fucks.

Misdirection

Have you ever noticed that when someone starts complaining about George W, his defenders don't actually defend him? Instead they generally do one of two things: they talk about what an asshole Bill Clinton was or they call the complainer unpatriotic.

Patriotism can take many forms. I believe in the concept of the loyal opposition. The adversary system, whether in law or government, keeps people honest (to a point). That's what checks and balances are--opposing forces keeping an eye on everyone. To call a dissenter unpatriotic is a cheap shot at best. At worst, when the accused knuckles under, you can run a country that way. The Democrats over the last eight years have been a sorry excuse for a loyal opposition. They have only risen to the challenge once they figured out public opinion was turning against George W. Having said that, however, I can understand some of their fear. After all, McCarthyism was based on nothing but fear and accusation. All you need is a guy like Roy Cohn. Or, say, Dick Cheney.

As for Bill Clinton, the worst thing he did was get a blow job and lie about it. Sometimes rightwingers will say that he didn't prepare the country for the possibility of terrorism on American shores.

Well, that's all well and good, but 9/11 happened long after the Bush administration was up and running. Transition teams were in the White House shortly after the election in November 2000, almost a year before the attacks. They knew what Clinton knew long before the inauguration. Beyond that, no matter how you slice it, Clinton is not the guy who started a war in a country to make his dad proud, ran up the deficit higher than Reagan did, and spent any good will the USA had after 9/11 by bullying the rest of the world and ignoring real threats like North Korea.

And this from a guy who was raised Republican in Indiana.

1930's Italy? How about Germany?

If you need any more evidence that our country, Florida in particular (go figure) has become a fascist state, just watch this video:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=sE76LQwT6qA

The kid getting tasered here was arrested for "inciting a riot."

Hmm.

Well, that's not what it looked like to me. It looked like he was a perhaps overly exuberant guy who wanted to tell John Kerry that Kerry really won the 2004 election and to ask him about impeaching Bush (which should happen, as far as I'm concerned).

What you don't see in the video (and there are others on youtube) is anything that looks anything like a riot or the makings of it. The venue isn't even full, and most of the people look pretty lackadaisical, even when the kid is getting taken down. What you don't see are people (including the guy arrested) who are threatening anyone at all--cops, Kerry, other spectators. The spectators look like they're half asleep.

When I was in college, William Rehnquist came to speak. He was shouted down by dozens of protesters and cut his speech short. That crowd was WAY more boisterous and aggressive than this kid was. People were removed, but no one was hurt.

The U of Florida kid was subdued, on the ground, cuffed, before the cops tasered him. In fact, he was begging not to be tasered. Then they did it anyway.

Here's what the conspiracy theorist in me has to say:

A kid got up to ask questions of a national political figure. (Political speech gets the most First Amendment protection, too. Read the U.S. Supreme Court case called Posadas, for more on this.) He was obviously anti-Bush. Florida is the place where election irregularities brought Bush to power. Florida is run by Bush's brother. The police are an instrumentality of the government run by Bush's brother. They didn't like what the kid had to say and brought him down hard because of what he was saying. That's where we are. That's how far we've come in eight years.

This is an outrage. Everyone who's ever had even a thought that went against the majority should be scared shitless. I know I am.

No one ever thinks Nazi Germany could happen again. Bullshit. You're watching it happen every day.

Stupid Shit in NYC

Ok, so my buddy Max is getting divorced. He has two little kids and got fired from his job a couple of months ago. He got behind on child support, but not because he is a dick. It's because he has no money.

His wife had him thrown in jail.

Now, how should he look for work (or work at all) if he's in jail?

See, in this case it's not about the money. She really really hates him.

But I'll tell you. Women like this ruin good men for the rest of the chicks out there.